A Punch in the Face

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Mike Tyson

I like to make plans and help others do the same. As comforting as it is for me to know how I will make it from point A to point B, it’s equally frustrating when others don’t. It’s easy to feel like my way is right and somehow they are doing it wrong.

Success is often granted to those who complete their plans. It is awarded with a diploma, a medal, a wedding ring, salary with benefits, good health, or for a boxer, a title-belt. I imagine most boxers feel pretty accomplished while training when the environment is controlled. Even unexpected punches are not intending harm. I imagine these athletes feel pretty good about their skills—that is, until they step in the ring and get punched in the face.

For a while in my life, I felt pretty good about my ability to plan for successful outcomes. But then came a series of punches. Ironically it wasn’t the expected punches of personal sickness or death of family that hit hardest. I was left reeling when the plans I made for others, the hopes and dreams I had for them, were dashed. At first I diagnosed their failure, bitterly thinking, “Why couldn’t they stick to the plan?” I frantically tried to take control, make a new plan, re-calibrate—all to no avail. From my perspective things looked dark and were getting darker.

But then came a speck of light in a paradigm shifting thought: Maybe they’ve been punched in the face a little more than me; maybe I need to learn something from them.

A View From the Bottom of the Stairs

“At the top of the stairway stood the LORD, and he said, ‘I am the LORD, the God of your grandfather Abraham, and the God of your father, Isaac. The ground you are lying on belongs to you. I am giving it to you and your descendants.’” Genesis 28:13 NLT

Jacob certainly didn’t deserve what God promised. He was a cheating, conniving thief. When I read the chapter before this and see how he played his brother, I think, “Poor Esau!” As a kid I used to spend a lot of time in the basement of my childhood home. There my siblings and I played games. As the baby of the family, I often felt cheated or that they were taking advantage of me. I would run up the stairs and tell my mom how poorly I was treated. I knew what I wanted her to do. Never did I run to my mom thinking she would stand at the top of the stairs, call the offender to the bottom, and say, “I made some cookies for your brother, but now I will give them to you!” We all want the wrong to be made right.

We want people to get what they deserve until we’re the one at the bottom of the stairs.

Hope for Knuckleheads

You stubborn and hardheaded people. —Acts 7:51, CEV

Knuckleheads—hardheaded, stubborn, limited in perspective, and unwilling to change. I often use this phrase to describe young men with whom I work. I credit them for the many white hairs that have emerged in my goatee.

The truth is we’re all knuckleheads.

I’m a knucklehead; I hate admitting I’m wrong!

Peter in the Bible was a knucklehead. Jesus told him, “Repent!” In others words, see yourself rightly—you don’t know everything and you need help. “Believe.” See me (Jesus) rightly—I’m like you but not like you; only I can turn your thinking upside down and your world right side up. “Obey.” Take what I teach you and apply it to your life.

Faith weaves all three—repentance, belief, and obedience—together. However, it often doesn’t come all at once. Peter realized his way wasn’t right; that’s why he started following Jesus (Mark 1:17). Later Peter came to the conclusion that Jesus was not just a teacher but something so much more (Matt. 16:16). Obedience though didn’t come until after Jesus died, was resurrected, and sent His Spirit (1 Pet. 1:14, 22). Even then Peter still had things to learn (Acts 11).

When I’m frustrated at myself or with others, it’s worth remembering—faith is a process, not an address.